Where We've Been

We went on a whirl-wind road trip.

And while visiting with safe and dear friends, we started talking about the hurtful things people...Christians in particular....say when someone is in a time of suffering.

We've had a lot of first-hand experience with that over the past 6 weeks. With both the suffering and the roll-your-eyes comments.

And I've learned a few things.

• I'm learning that we have a tendency play the comparison game with our wounds. When someone else shares their heartbreak so often our response is to talk about a past hardship in our own life. This is not helpful. While it might be helpful for you to (mentally) draw upon your own past pain to empathize, speaking about your own experience in the moment puts up a wall, makes the situation about you and is ultimately not helpful for the person whose world is falling apart...now...in front of you. We don't need your stories at this time...we need you. To listen. To grieve. To offer support. To be present with us and share our burden.

• I've found that Christians have a hard time accepting suffering. It's almost as if they want to yell, "the answer CAN'T be NO!" Well guess what? God answers prayer...and sometimes that answer is no. We talk a lot about what to do when bad things happening to good people, but when it really happens in front of our eyes...really sucky things...to people we know...we have a hard time accepting the brokenness of this world. Something awful DID just happen to you. And someone comes to your door with hands in the air (and those upturned hands *might* contain pitchforks and torches) it puts you, the wounded party in the role of consoler and mediator. And we probably have enough on our plate without adding -'talk the crazy lady on my doorstep down from the ceiling.'
  

• People are quick to say, "Well honey (because there is always, always a "honey"), God doesn't give you any more than you can handle." And...I high five you. In the face. Sort of. Where is that malicious character of God revealed in the Bible? The idea that God strategically doles out hardship in exact balance seems uniformly cruel and manipulative. And that doesn't line up with a God who collects my tears in a bottle (Ps. 56), or promises to draw near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34).

• The message of the Gospel is that Christ saves. He has promised an eternity with Him and is preparing a home that we will share with Him. In the future. And that hopeful expectation can get twisted into an idea where EVERYTHING in the future MUST be to some degree or another better. And I've been hearing it a lot. "God must just have something better in mind for you." Better. By whose standards? And is the will of God so fine a line? Because I have to tell you, I think that getting a baby and keeping a job and NOT moving would have been pretty good. And I don't think that God's goodness is measured by how His blessing and provisions line up with my list of wants. God is good. period. Even if the future isn't how I desperately want it to look. Christ saves in the middle of the mess. He brings peace and joy that doesn't make sense to the world's eyes. And often Christians miss that blessing. Because we're too busy looking for better.

• But mostly I've been learning that the words we offer to one another in times of pain are windows into our concepts of God. And it's scary. Most of the time our words of wisdom reveal a crucial lack of understanding of the LOVE of Christ. Personal pain also acts as a spotlight on our own paradigm of the Almighty, thrusting our beliefs into sharp focus. And with all the comparisons to Job getting thrown in our direction, I hope to get one thing right. That when faced with the big question of WHO GOD IS...I respond in like kind.
  

By clapping my hand
over my mouth
in silence.

Job 40

Then the Lord said to Job, “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”

Then Job replied to the Lord,“I am nothing—how could I ever find the answer. I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say.”