Flailing

"Sometimes I ride a bucking faith

while one hand grips

and the other flails the air..." -Annie Dillard

We're sad.

We got back from a trip to Maine, did laundry, cleaned house, and settled back into life. Camp next week. My parents coming out to get the nursery ready as we were nearing the completion of our 9 months of adoption paperwork.

Nathan headed out Wednesday morning and started his day with a morning meeting. Then our world fell apart. He was fired. And with the church's non-disclosure agreement that's about all we can say about that.

What I can tell you is what that means to us.

We're sad. Heartbroken, really. Not just for the lives of the youth we poured into these past two years. Not just because of the friendships we've seen just starting to take root. Not just because we have a mortgage and no income. But also because after 5 years of trying to start our family, 9 months of paperwork and bills, we were a week or so away from being on the waiting list....our future as a family is up in the air.

So what does this mean? First of all, we need friends, and encouragement...and prayer. For wisdom in how to move forward with adopting our future child. For discernment in future plans. For provision, as we try to stay in our house, repair our basement, afford adoption fees.

We serve a big God who have promised He won't let our foot slip, He will renew our strength, He will take care of our needs like the ravens and lilies, and is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.

But right now, we flail a little.