So Hard

A while back, Nathan announced to the congregation that we are adopting.

Since then, we've been getting lots of encouragement and inquiries from members of the congregation about the process. Every dinner, women's circle, chance meeting at the post office begins with, "How's the adoption going?"

And I like it. Just as other mothers give updates on their growing baby's progress, the latest doctor's appointment...I give updates too. Only our steps to growing our family include things like reference letters, home studies, and background checks. Each question is a reminder that we are on our way, making progress to our baby...and with those questions come the joyful reminders that people here are involved in our lives, and care for us.

And I like talking about our future baby. I can share in conversations about types of diapers. When I go to baby showers, I can come home and add some items to our baby's Targetlist.

So when I was at a recent Bible study, giving a quick synopsis of where we were in the adoption process, it kind of took me off guard when a sweet lady, furrowed her eyebrows and said, "It must be SO HARD...all this waiting." I paused and said, well, it's not so bad right now. Maybe it will be worse once we are on the official list."

I came home and rolled that interchange around in my mind. And I decided why I had a hard time answering that questions...

We've been waiting for over 5 years. Month after month of crushing disappointment and grief we bore silently...THAT was so hard.

Now we have tangible measurable progress toward our sweet little one.
We have the support of family far and friends near.
We have two utterly adorable names picked out (and we won't tell until he/she is in our arms!)
I have fabric for our nursery.
We have baby books on our coffee table.
We have new prayers: from "please let us be parents" to "help us be the parents we need to be."

This is a joyful time.