Big Spender

I might be jinxing myself to talk about what I gave up for lent before the season is truly over, but I'm going to anyway.

I thought about giving up Chocolate, or Sugar in general, and even flirted with the idea of abstaining from coffee. And then I welcomed myself back to reality. I wanted to become more dependent upon Christ by giving up something personal and important. However, I still wanted to be a somewhat pleasant person to be around come Easter, so the coffee has stayed.

The selfishness has too, it turns out.

I'm not a big spender by comparison. I shop at Salvation Army and the Target dollar section (Don't judge a tank top by its provenance.) We've come through some rough times here recently. And by the Grace of God we're still debt-free and have enough of a bank account that we were able to put a down payment on a home during this lenten season.

That said, I still love to shop. I love to find deals. And I'm a glutton for pretty things. Now that we are more comfortable financially... (As in, I used to counsel some of my clients who were making more on disability that I bringing in with my blood sweat and tears...literally.) I was seeing a steady incline in my credit card statement each month. I blamed it on the Christmas Season, "Oh last month I took a trip...that's why it's so high", "that's still rollover from the Christmas gifts." but the truth was...spending felt powerful. And I liked it.

So, I gave up selfish spending for Lent.

As in, I of course shop for groceries, toiletries, and household items. Birthday gifts and entertainment for the two of us are still acceptable. Cute sandals for me (sadly) are not.

And it's been harder than I thought. Before this little experiment in self control, I thought I was a person with a light hold on material things. But I have to admit, when I saw those comfortable metallic sandals for 50% off...I left 5 voice-mail messages for Nathan from the store. I knew he would talk me out of it, but I was kind of secretly hoping that he would tell me it was okay to buy them. I just had to leave the store.

But I thought about them all day.

So maybe I like stuff more than I thought I did. Hopefully, once Easter comes, I'll still rely on Christ for fulfillment and peace. Keep my focus on what I have and what others need. I hope the selfishness melts with the snow and even if it doesn't...to find the strength to keep walking past that Target dollar section.

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
Phil 4:11-12