I've been tired for 6 years.
Exhausted.
It started the summer before my senior year of college. I was traveling for my college as part of a drama team. We went from camp to camp to camp for 12 weeks that summer. And you know how tired you get after just one week of constant sweaty motion and short hypervigalent nights.
The start of the school year brought no relief as I got mono and double pneumonia, lived in the freshman dorm, worked 40 hours a week for my Sr. internship, planned a wedding, and completed my honors thesis. And after five years of marriage, four homes, three states, three jobs, and three ministries, things haven't gotten any better.
I sleep between 10-12 hours a night and drag myself through every day. I have seen six doctors and have an appointment with the seventh at the end of the month. They have thought I've had thyroid problems, gluten intolerance, depression, and ovarian cysts. All these diagnosis, for one reason or the other, fell through leaving me with the label: chronic fatigue syndrome. Which roughly translated means
Doctors have looked me in the eye and said the following:
"You're in the prime of your life, just get out of bed."
"Maybe you're just the type of person who needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night."
"Have you tried exercising?"
"You know, you look perfectly healthy."
So after all of this, I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. And it's with new eyes that I look at Isaiah 40:27:
"Oh Israel, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait upon the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
By being exhausted, I'm stripped of all of my own energy, and have to lean heavily on Him. To trust in His strength and truly know Him. And so, while these past few years have been far from easy, the have been so, so, good.
Exhausted.
It started the summer before my senior year of college. I was traveling for my college as part of a drama team. We went from camp to camp to camp for 12 weeks that summer. And you know how tired you get after just one week of constant sweaty motion and short hypervigalent nights.
The start of the school year brought no relief as I got mono and double pneumonia, lived in the freshman dorm, worked 40 hours a week for my Sr. internship, planned a wedding, and completed my honors thesis. And after five years of marriage, four homes, three states, three jobs, and three ministries, things haven't gotten any better.
I sleep between 10-12 hours a night and drag myself through every day. I have seen six doctors and have an appointment with the seventh at the end of the month. They have thought I've had thyroid problems, gluten intolerance, depression, and ovarian cysts. All these diagnosis, for one reason or the other, fell through leaving me with the label: chronic fatigue syndrome. Which roughly translated means
::I'm really tired all the time and no one knows why::
Doctors have looked me in the eye and said the following:
"You're in the prime of your life, just get out of bed."
"Maybe you're just the type of person who needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night."
"Have you tried exercising?"
"You know, you look perfectly healthy."
So after all of this, I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. And it's with new eyes that I look at Isaiah 40:27:
"Oh Israel, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case? Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait upon the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
By being exhausted, I'm stripped of all of my own energy, and have to lean heavily on Him. To trust in His strength and truly know Him. And so, while these past few years have been far from easy, the have been so, so, good.
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