I'm not totally pain free....But Praise the Lord I'm getting there.
Of course two evening shifts of working on your feet don't exactly spell utopia and bliss...but I no longer grumble or retort "take your own stinking vital signs lady" by the end of the night. (Just kidding)
So I know I'm on the long slow road to recovery.
And I'm learning that being in pain is not really the worst thing in the world. In fact, I've sort of chosen to be in pain..."what?"
I KNOW.
But the truth is, this is the start of month number two without daily pain medications for me. Why would I chose to stop taking my seductive little pills?...I'll tell you why: (many reasons in fact)
reason number one: I work with people every shift who are hospitalized to detox off opiates. Whether it is for pain management or controlling their anxiety, their bodies have built up a tolerance for these drugs and it has gotten to the point that is is unhealthy for them to be at the dose they are and the have to go INPATIENT to safely get off them.
This is what I would like to avoid if at all possible.
reason number two: I got stupid. I noticed that several brain cells have jumped ship since hitting 25 and those that were left were too stoned to care to work together while on the pain medication. As in, I would be sitting there leading a group session on anxiety and TOTALLY lose what I was going to say as is "So guys, the thing to keep in mind when coming up with coping skills for anxiety is....um... ahhhh... (blank stares)" Four years and $80K of education and training got turned to mush. So for the sake of my job performance and my own personal frustration tolerance...those little pills had to go.
reason number three: I wanted to stay awake through Wheel Of Fortune.
reason number four: I was starting to like them
Perhaps a little too much. I found myself looking forward to little mind vacation that the pills afforded me. "Hey stressed about finances, frustrated about things you can't do, just tired and sad...you know what can help mellow that all out don't you?" Yeah, I thought I'd just nip that in the bud.
There is a sign that hangs in the adolescent unit of the psych. hospital that says:
"There are two road to choose from. One is easier, and its only reward is that it is easy."
So for me, putting the pill bottle back into the medicine cabinet means choosing all the other rewards of the more difficult road. And I'm ready to embrace life with all of its hues, dark and bright, and live fully, live mindfully, and live well.
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