the gift of brokenness

I'm broken.

Not just physically (well I'm not really broken...more strained and bulging and pinched physically) Also feeling broken in spirit.

And I don't know what to do with this brokenness.

Usually my reaction to pain is to curl up on myself and lick my wounds in solitude, like an injured deer. And I start to get clingy. Clinging to my imperfections and desperately grabbing at what security I can find. Brokenness can lead to breakthroughs, change for the better, and refreshing growth.

But you have to surrender for that.

Whoa...slow down there buster...not sure if I'm ready for that just yet.

So just when I think that I've had enough taken from my hands, something else comes apart. Health, wealth, stability, dreams...

I am SO Job right now. And what did he do? He went to God...asking "WHY!" And the answer was "Do you know who I AM?"

Whoa.

So maybe that is the gift of brokenness...not existential wallowing in self-pity...but realizing how small you are, and the eye-opening realization of how great GOD is. Maybe its learning that you've been asking the wrong questions. Learning that asking the right question can be a life-long pursuit. Maybe brokenness is learning hardship comes to everyone but never in equal measure. Brokenness can mean a slight shift of the shoulders, a leaning in, a tilting of the ear to the whispers of the eternal.


SELF CHRIST
Irritable-- Patient
Touchy-- Understanding
Proud -- Humble
Critical -- Forgiving
Jealous -- Happy when others succeed
Prone to anger -- Forbearing
Focused on rights -- Sacrificial (Yields rights)
Self-seeking -- Servant attitude
Self-centered -- GOD-centered

and knowing that I have a lot to learn still...