I don't like Mondays to begin with, but this one just sucked the big one.
Comically disastrous.
I was transferred to work on the children's unit and was one-to-one with a little guy who JUST turned four.
He filled his pants about three hours into the day and it just went downhill from there.
To spare you all the details, we wanted him to clean up and he did not want to. So I now know that you can fit three staff members and one small violent child in the hospital showers if the shower-curtain is forcibly removed.
Picture a bobcat dipped in equal parts loose stool and rage...got it?...okay.
Imagine giving it a shower.
We tried everything to get him to calm down and ended up holding him for around an hour. And in the end I had feces, urine, and phlem all over me. I had to wear a pair of the hospital scrubs home. These particular scrubs were made for the likes of Andre the Giant. I spent the rest of the day talking to parents, doctors, and other assorted hospital personnel looking like a little kid playing dress up.
And after the surge of adrenaline surging through my body went away I began to feel sharp pain in my lower back. Once it started radiating down both my legs I decided to go see the employee health doctor.
A few hours later, I walked my huge pants out of the hospital with a bottle full of pain killers and strict instructions to rest and not lift anything over 15 pounds.
Once home, I sat down my brown bag labeled "Jenny's Nasty Clothes" and settled onto the couch for a nice relaxing evening.
SCRAAAAAPE....I look over to see a racoon (I'm pretty sure he was over 15 pounds) up to his armpits in my home!!! Small paws deftly pushing the sliding screen door out of his way and then starting to creep INTO my apartment.
I jumped up (sharp pain) and started yelling "OH---MY---GOODNESS." With a look I can only imagine was "what amazingly large pants!" the fat racoon backed out, then waddled away.
I've had a rough day.
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