napping notes

my sweet tedy. you are sick. your first real cold. with snotty nose, pitiful cries to be held and a sweatier than normal little head. our nights have been more fractured, mornings a little earlier. no serious infections. the doctor says your little immune system will attack and concur without the need for medication.

so, i've been holding your little body closer. your sweet face pressed against my chest as i type this, snoring away.

and i love you. i love cuddling you and squeezing your little pajama clad rump.

i love being the one who gets soothe you and teach you how to soothe yourself.

in the midst of a dirtier than normal house, days without showering, and missed events that have been on the calendar. you are the priority. parenting you is the work of my life and your little needs now throw everything onto sharp focus as the details fall away.

and i study your details. sleeping in my arms, during our evening baby massage, as you drift off to sleep. the full curve of your eyelashes, the muscles under chunky thighs, the cleft above your delicate lips, the crease of fat encircling your dimpled hand, your round velvety belly as you stick it out for me to rub.

you are a masterpiece.

and you will heal. the snot will go away and your naps will get back to normal. but hopefully somewhere, the imprint of my loving care will stay with you. you will truly believe that you are worthy and rest in the assurance of our love for you.

and one day. when your little boy is sick with his first cold, you will know how to slow down and draw him near. you will instinctually know how to cuddle and kiss away his pain because
a long time ago
you once were
a small person
who was powerfully loved.