walking with tedy

these last few nights have been a little rougher for you.

you needed a few more laps around the hallway, a few more jiggles to relax and let yourself rest for the night.

everyone tells us that it's teething, but if this is the case, then you've been teething for a while now, poor babe.

or it could just be the "4 month wakeful period" I've been reading about. Of course, you have been in this world longer than 4 months, but with your 4 week head start, your little body and budding mind might still be on your original time frame.

or you might just be needing a little extra attention these days. a few more snuggles during the day, a little more comforting at night.

whatever the case, it requires a little more mothering from me. forgetting my to-do list in favor of the big priorities: raise a baby who trusts me, gently care and love my child in a way that is respectful and honoring of his worth, model and train him to develop the qualities of Godly character. and if that means more time in the rocking chair and less time finishing craft projects, than that's a trade I'll make any day.

I have to tell you what a joy it has been mothering you these past 4 months. You will be 6 months but I have only gotten to care for you for the past four. And with years of wanting you, a year of preparing for you, six months of waiting for you, and 2 heart-wrenching months of pleading that you'd be mine forever...well the hard work of grooming that kind of perspective has blossomed into an easy patience I didn't know I had. I mother with an awareness that this is just a season. A season that will be gone before I know it. So if I don't get a shower today, if the bed doesn't get made, if the thank you notes are (still!) sitting on the shelf...big breath....it's okay. Because I had years of a pristine house, elaborate craft projects, and so much "me" time I didn't know what to do with myself.

And in a few short years, things will change. I'm told that as early as 18 months, I will no longer be the center of your world as you learn to identify with Nathan. You will start to move away from me, and I will have to let you go to explore the world of being manly.

But for now. for these few precious months. You are mine.

I read that my body is your whole world for these few precious months. You aren't able to distinguish my person from your own, and you won't until you start to crawl. away. from me. Your little brain can't tell where you end and I begin. What a beautiful thought.

Everything that you experience is directly related to my physical body. The food you eat is there because I make it and give it to you. Everywhere you go, you go because I take you. The songs, people, clothes, books...all what I bring you to. Your little world is filtered through my work to create it around you.

So if it takes more time to bring joy and peace into the first glimpses of your world, then I will gladly show you the beauty and grace of a selfless mother. It's bedtime and if you need a little more soothing to settle, then let's bounce you around the hallway a few more times my sweet baby.

Comments

Amy said…
so beautiful, Jenny.