So today I kind of had a break-down in the Employee Health Office.
It was really awkward.
You know...the press your lips together and try not to make eye contact with anyone because you know that if you try to make contact with another human being right now you will tragically break out into the "ugly cry."
The nurse practitioner gave me her home number and a reassuring backrub.
So I'm pretty sure all those nice middle-aged office assistants in white slacks think I'm off-balanced.
It had just been a "who's on first" kind of day. Two trips to the doctor, two trips to the pharmacy, three new bottles of pills, two new scheduled appointments, and four phone calls from the hospital.
There have been a lot of cooks in this kitchen too...nurse, nurse practitioner, physical therapist, supervisor, administrator who is on call for said supervisor, back specialist, and benefits administrator. And this broth feels like she's being ruined.
The nurse at Employee Health was describing an upcoming procedure where there will be needles inserted at various points along my back and legs and an electric current will make my muscles twitch to localize which nerves are being squenched by my rogue disk.
Me: "Ummm...I think I performed that experiment on a dead frog in Anatomy 101."
Nurse: "Yeah, kind of like that!"
But I didn't well up at that...it was later, as I was leaving the office for the second time and the secretary handed me ANOTHER slip and told me who I was supposed to give it too. The nurse walked by and said "Well you know that you came in with some pre-existing conditions that make you "special"...so we'll see what we can do, if we can do anything, but nothing is going to be easy and there are no simple answers here."
It was then that the lower half of my vision blurred with tears.
The office assistants pretended there was not a crying employee standing two feet from them and became immediately enthralled with the charts on the desks in front of them. And I got the home phone number of my nurse practitioner.
So here is my new job: juggling and dancing to the tune of my HMO.
oh, and avoiding the people at employee health from now on.
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