I've enjoyed time off from work. Not just the sleeping in and getting to watch Martha Stewart in the mornings. Not just getting to read without guilt or cuddling with my husband on the couch.
I'm realizing I've enjoyed being alone. Being without people. Not having to talk to the broken and hurting. Not shouldering their dirty laundry, not shouldering their problems. Not feeling the hefty expectation of helping them solve their wrecked lives.
And so I feel guilty about THAT now instead of taking time to read for pleasure.
I mean isn't SO MUCH of the gospel,the good news, about helping others and "going unto all the world." About dying to self and doing unto others...
But sometimes all I want to "Do unto others" is to tell them off, or slap them around a little. (just a little)
And then I found this in 2Tim. 2:25: "The Lord's servants...must be kind to everyone. They must be able to teach effectively and be patient with difficult people. They should gently teach those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts and they will believe the truth."
The word that strikes me here is the "perhaps."
hope.
It's the same word that appears when Sarai is orchestrating her servant sleeping with her husband. Perhaps she will have children after all. Perhaps she will be redeemed, her place secure, and her future sure. While I can't imagine her actions, I understand strong longing...and the glimmer of hope. Perhaps.
It's also the same word that Moses uses when he intercedes for the wayward Israelites...again...in Exodus. Perhaps he can obtain forgiveness for his people. Maybe he can bend God's heart, protect his people, save them from their deserved destruction.
And this "perhaps" in both these stories is not a simple airy-fairy wishful thought. It is grounded in the pure goodness of God. It is a total life change rooted in the love and grace of our maker and friend.
And in both these stories from the Old Testament God answers. He answers their hopes of perhaps with extravagant abundance. He tips the scales full in their favor. He not only answers their dreary cries for what they have settled for, but gives them the true desires of their hearts. Maybe not how they thought it would happen and definitely not when they wanted it, but eventually it was theirs.
So maybe the same God who gave a post-menopausal woman a baby boy and a legacy of millions, the same God who lead his chosen nation out of the desert and into a rich, beautiful land of their own and one day came down to live among them. Maybe that same generous God can restore this burnt-out girl's faith in people and give her patience with the difficult.
Parhaps.
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