-Manic Patient: "Well, I was taking the kids out for some ice cream and it was so beautiful that we all had the windows down but that wasn't good enough, so I stopped off and picked up a brand new mercedes with a sunroof then we got the ice cream and had a wonderful ride home!"
-Psychotic Female Patient: "The last thing I remember was that I was topless, waving around a toy gun, yelling down the street at the police 'Do you have the balls to die like Jesus did?"
-In response to the question, Have you ever been divorced?: "Yeah but that was back when I was a man."
-In response to my statement "You need to put your penis back in your pants if you are going to stand in the middle of the lobby"
pleasantly psychotic old man: "Why?"
-Me :"What is your name?"
large male patient: "I am the god Poseidon"
-Me :"Where is that chirping coming from?"
female homeless patient who has been in the waiting room for two hours :"Oh, that's chuck my parakeet, he stays in my pocket."
-Nurse giving me report on a patient that I was going to be watching one-to-one all shift: "Well a few hours ago she pulled the fire-alarm and headed out the door. But she didn't run...she danced across the parking lot taking off her clothes...so...she was pretty easy to catch."
-Nurse during shift report: "You might want to keep your eye on her, we found out what she's been doing in the corner...breast-feeding herself."
-Psychiatrist: "Next time that naked Tranny falls through the ceiling, you give me a call."
-Psychotic Female Patient: "The last thing I remember was that I was topless, waving around a toy gun, yelling down the street at the police 'Do you have the balls to die like Jesus did?"
-In response to the question, Have you ever been divorced?: "Yeah but that was back when I was a man."
-In response to my statement "You need to put your penis back in your pants if you are going to stand in the middle of the lobby"
pleasantly psychotic old man: "Why?"
-Me :"What is your name?"
large male patient: "I am the god Poseidon"
-Me :"Where is that chirping coming from?"
female homeless patient who has been in the waiting room for two hours :"Oh, that's chuck my parakeet, he stays in my pocket."
-Nurse giving me report on a patient that I was going to be watching one-to-one all shift: "Well a few hours ago she pulled the fire-alarm and headed out the door. But she didn't run...she danced across the parking lot taking off her clothes...so...she was pretty easy to catch."
-Nurse during shift report: "You might want to keep your eye on her, we found out what she's been doing in the corner...breast-feeding herself."
-Psychiatrist: "Next time that naked Tranny falls through the ceiling, you give me a call."
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