Defending Domesticity

Home is the sacred refuge of our life.
John Dryden

How many times a week do you get asked, "What do you do?"

I guess I never really paid attention to this question
when I had a tidy little answer to give.
"I'm a mental health counselor,"
was my reply for the five years after college.

I'm fascinated with people's reactions to my answer now,
"I stay at home. I'm a housewife."

(crickets...)

In a world where women have fought for centuries for the freedom to choose,the idea that a married woman without children would choose to stay and take care of a home is met with awkwardness and the eventual question...
"Then what do you DO all day?"

Oh, how can I tell you the pure joy of caring for a home and family (even if both are small right now) in a way that you will understand? How can I explain the luxury of making meals from scratch? Of having a place for everything and everything in its place? Of the smells of fresh laundry, rosemary and garlic? Of handmade gifts, and cards, and meals for others? The freedom of a house ready for guests?

I consider myself extremely blessed to even be in this position. Free to truly choose how I spend my days and months. A few generations ago, no woman would ever be asked the above questions. Domesticity, taking care of a home, these were givens for most women whether they wanted them or not. And now just a few decades later, with the freedom to work outside the home, a second income is no longer a luxury, but a financial necessity for most homes.

And I hang in the balance: not expected at home, not forced out...able to take up what brings me joy and peace to our lives.

If you hear me saying that all women should be housewives, then you have heard me incorrectly. Most women I know love working outside the home, finding pleasure and purpose in a profession. Fabulous! Just not for me.

What I am saying is that I am astounded at the reaction I get when I tell people that I find the same pleasure and purpose in keeping a home. As if any choice would be understood except the choice to not work.

And choose is what I do. Everyday, I choose contentment over comparison, simplicity over complication, gratitude over judgment.

Home. I choose home.